i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
