Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
