You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
