Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
