i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
