His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
