Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
