Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
