bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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