vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
