i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
