I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
