My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
