Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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