she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
