i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The chlamydia really affected his face.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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