I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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