Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
