I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
