Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
