How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My penis needs a shock collar
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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