Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
