Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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