The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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