All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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