a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
please don't ironically join a cult
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