I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
