I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
