i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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