TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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