I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want a musical about memes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
