Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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