So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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