Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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