seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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