one two three fourrrrnication!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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