Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
