it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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