Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
