Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
