I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
