Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
