idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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