Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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