This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
