Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
