It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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