I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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