I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
