In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
