just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
