I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How external is "for external use only"?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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