Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
